We have been experimenting with juicing over the last week. We watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and were inspired that this man lost almost 100 lbs. in 2 months by just juicing fruits and veggies. If we could be down to our goal weights in 2 months, it would TOTALLY be worth doing it... right? I have to say I'm very proud of my sweet husband who has been perfect with his dedication. I have to say I'm almost ashamed that I broke. There were promises of more energy, less pain, and better health. The first three days were VERY difficult and I complained very vocally to Adam that it was hard and I was hungry most of the time. Part of the problem was that I was not prepared for the emotional toll this would take on me, the other part of the problem is that we mixed too many flavors we were not accustomed to and I could hardly drink the 20 oz. of juice I was supposed to.
Day 4 was good and I didn't feel like complaining. Day 5 was ok, but at 2:00 I became tired and snacky. I broke and ate 1/4 c. granola. Day 6 I ate 1/2 c. granola and a banana, but both days I still drank all my juices.
Today, day 7, not so great. First sabotage: pancakes for the kids for breakfast. I have an automatic reflex of snacking while cooking. I also made the mistake of not drinking my drink before making the kids' breakfast so that reflex became stronger. I ate 2 pancakes and drank one glass of juice. For lunch, I made a hummus soup for me then PB&J for the kids. I licked the PB off my fingers and ended up eating a piece of bread with PB on it. Then, I had to go to the store to get Adam some V8 for his camp-out tonight. I was invited to do dinner with a friend who's husband will also be at the camp-out and we talked about S'mores so I bought the stuff to make them tonight for the kids. Bad idea. I LOVE graham crackers. I gave one to the kids then took a bite of one... then another... then another... then opened a chocolate bar and ate a piece of it... then another... then another.... So, now I feel like the scum of the earth and hate myself for being so weak.
I watch people who are skinny and am jealous of their luck, self-control, energy, etc. and can't figure out what I need to do for myself to reach that place. I have a relationship with food that I don't exactly understand. I enjoy veggies but not as much as cookies. I enjoy fruit but not as much as Nutella. So, here I sit at 4:15 pm trying to recommit to our juice fast. I lost 10 lbs in the last week... I felt horrible most of the time. I just ate what I enjoyed before and I feel horrible physically and emotionally. I'm trying to figure out what my problem is so that I don't have to feel guilty about eating anything. Maybe it comes down to lack of planning & preparation or procrastination (one of my weaknesses my whole life).
Something I said on day 3 of our fast has kept me wondering. I told Adam, "I don't have anything to look forward to right now," meaning I look forward to making good food for my family that has good flavor and looks good. Juicing isn't forever. We decided to only do 30 days. My reward at the end is dinner at Red Lobster. Goes to show where my priorities lie, right. Gah!
I just want to throw my hands up, but I can't do it. I have one very picky little eater who turns his nose up at everything that is grown and hasn't been processed to the point it can't be recognized. This week, he peeled AND ATE cutie oranges, which he hasn't done for a very long time, AND he tried corn on the cob!!! What am I teaching my children if I give up??? OK, I'm committed to eating healthy and preparing so I don't sabotage myself.
I know how you feel! I LOVE food! Eating it and cooking it, the best is making it for other people. I fins satisfaction in preparing good food, mostly desserts. I'm always the one to bring dessert to any function! Since August I have lost 42 pounds and have 28 more to go to get to my goal. And guess what? I ate dessert and Wendy's and soda all along the way! People ask me all the time what my secret is. I never had an answer for this until the other day. I gained 2 pounds, and the previous few weeks not done as well either. So I knew I needed to get back on track, but didn't know how. So I prayed. I feel more power in that then anything else I've done. Yes, you'll still slip up, but we are human and that's okay. But if we pray for help, (cause losing weight is a righteous desire!) He will help us. :) Hope this helps, and know I love you and am rooting for you!! :)
ReplyDeleteI think you are making a good step. This may sound cheesy, but going through this journey with your body try to imagine God or Christ as your trainer. They wouldn't be like a boot camp sergeant yelling and screaming what a screw up you are. They would be cheering with you on good days, and down in the ditch with you on "bad". Give yourself credit for being human. You did JUICING FOR 3 days straight! WOO HOO!!! I couldn't do that right now. You have a goal to do it for 30 days GO GIRL! Remember to focus on the positive EVEN if you are being "bad." (You are killing anyone so 'bad' is in quotes.) Example, with your smores night. Why can't you ENJOY that chocolate and graham cracker and think "This is DELICIOUS. I am lucky I can eat this little bit" (You didn't the whole box, you had a snack, again... you aren't KILLING anyone by eating some chocolate so you aren't 'bad'.). A good manta hard days are "My self worth isn't determined by food, or pounds. I am ....." and list all the GOOD things about you that have NOTHING to do with food, weight, etc. Stick to your goals as you choose, when you don't give yourself a break for being a mom, human, hungry, tired, etc. And just work on one day at a time. You are a beautiful person inside and out. You are a kind person. You are thoughtful and a good mom. There is so much GOOD about you. PLEASE focus on what GOD would focus on and talk to yourself like GOD would talk to you. I hope that helps. I am preaching to myself probably more than to you. :) Thanks for the opportunity to say the things I need to hear. :)
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