We have been experimenting with juicing over the last week. We watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and were inspired that this man lost almost 100 lbs. in 2 months by just juicing fruits and veggies. If we could be down to our goal weights in 2 months, it would TOTALLY be worth doing it... right? I have to say I'm very proud of my sweet husband who has been perfect with his dedication. I have to say I'm almost ashamed that I broke. There were promises of more energy, less pain, and better health. The first three days were VERY difficult and I complained very vocally to Adam that it was hard and I was hungry most of the time. Part of the problem was that I was not prepared for the emotional toll this would take on me, the other part of the problem is that we mixed too many flavors we were not accustomed to and I could hardly drink the 20 oz. of juice I was supposed to.
Day 4 was good and I didn't feel like complaining. Day 5 was ok, but at 2:00 I became tired and snacky. I broke and ate 1/4 c. granola. Day 6 I ate 1/2 c. granola and a banana, but both days I still drank all my juices.
Today, day 7, not so great. First sabotage: pancakes for the kids for breakfast. I have an automatic reflex of snacking while cooking. I also made the mistake of not drinking my drink before making the kids' breakfast so that reflex became stronger. I ate 2 pancakes and drank one glass of juice. For lunch, I made a hummus soup for me then PB&J for the kids. I licked the PB off my fingers and ended up eating a piece of bread with PB on it. Then, I had to go to the store to get Adam some V8 for his camp-out tonight. I was invited to do dinner with a friend who's husband will also be at the camp-out and we talked about S'mores so I bought the stuff to make them tonight for the kids. Bad idea. I LOVE graham crackers. I gave one to the kids then took a bite of one... then another... then another... then opened a chocolate bar and ate a piece of it... then another... then another.... So, now I feel like the scum of the earth and hate myself for being so weak.
I watch people who are skinny and am jealous of their luck, self-control, energy, etc. and can't figure out what I need to do for myself to reach that place. I have a relationship with food that I don't exactly understand. I enjoy veggies but not as much as cookies. I enjoy fruit but not as much as Nutella. So, here I sit at 4:15 pm trying to recommit to our juice fast. I lost 10 lbs in the last week... I felt horrible most of the time. I just ate what I enjoyed before and I feel horrible physically and emotionally. I'm trying to figure out what my problem is so that I don't have to feel guilty about eating anything. Maybe it comes down to lack of planning & preparation or procrastination (one of my weaknesses my whole life).
Something I said on day 3 of our fast has kept me wondering. I told Adam, "I don't have anything to look forward to right now," meaning I look forward to making good food for my family that has good flavor and looks good. Juicing isn't forever. We decided to only do 30 days. My reward at the end is dinner at Red Lobster. Goes to show where my priorities lie, right. Gah!
I just want to throw my hands up, but I can't do it. I have one very picky little eater who turns his nose up at everything that is grown and hasn't been processed to the point it can't be recognized. This week, he peeled AND ATE cutie oranges, which he hasn't done for a very long time, AND he tried corn on the cob!!! What am I teaching my children if I give up??? OK, I'm committed to eating healthy and preparing so I don't sabotage myself.
